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Beloved & Life Advice From Ali Wong's New Stand-Up Special

The comic debuts her third special on Valentine'southward Day.

Past Diedre Johnson Feb 15, 2022

On this Valentine's Day, comedian, writer and actress (Always Be My Mayhap) Ali Wong drops her third stand-up special, Don Wong, and, in her trademark style, spares no ane, including herself. In a prepare at the Count Basie Theater in New Jersey, Wong — in a leopard-print minidress past Tom Ford — humps, howls and foulmouths her way through the ups and downs of relationships, giving her take on everything from sex and gender roles to what sounds similar a very exciting future appointment she's got planned for herself and Michael B. Jordan.

We revisit her sharpest honey and life lessons from her latest special beneath:

Advice for straight men who are highly favored:"You should experience and so lucky, so flattered, then blessed and highly favored, if you ever had the opportunity to get your dick sucked by a woman that makes a lot more than money than you. Because out of all the things this important woman could be doing with her valuable fourth dimension, all of her responsibilities, all the interesting opportunities and deals knocking on her door, but no!"

Advice for the long-marrieds: "Your wife gonna boss you around. And y'all would know that if y'all watched House Hunters. House Hunters is a bear witness on HGTV where a couple pretends that there's a decision to be made together. And they go on this false-donkey journeying looking at 3 unlike houses, and the audience is meant to be left in suspense. Oh, which house are they going to choose? Information technology's whichever one Barbara wanted in the kickoff identify, OK!? And Barbara, who lives in Boise, Idaho, or wherever the fuck these HGTV shows are filmed where houses cost $5,000 an acre… Barbara, she don't got money, ability, or respect, merely Barbara is a woman, and all women are very good at beingness extremely unpleasant and holding your happiness and self-esteem hostage until nosotros get what nosotros fucking deserve!"

Advice for immigrant women in their 80s: "My mom doesn't understand, she tin can't chronicle to these feelings of wanting to fool around outside of matrimony because she'south an immigrant woman who was born in 1940, her world is a lot smaller than mine. The just men my mother has had an bodily conversation with are my brother and my dad. I, on the other hand, have met the entire bandage of The Avengers. And I want all of them to cum on my face."

Advice for single people who anytime, maybe, might have a child: "Only other married people with kids can empathize with the deep envy I feel towards you single people, OK! You don't know how free you lot are. You can consume an edible at 2 p.yard., go to the aquarium and watch the jellyfish go back and forth! You don't got to bring a giant backpack with little ziplock baggies of goldfish and toy cell phones! You lot just go! With what's in your pockets! Yous single people, you don't know what it'due south like to consume a cold quesadilla that your toddler threw on the flooring, because information technology'southward easier to put it in your mouth than travel to the trash, while you echo to yourself over and over, that kid abuse is ILLEGAL!"

Advice for monogamous moms: "People don't similar it when women crook, yous know, and they'll actually turn on because they feel betrayed, especially if you're a mom. It's likewise contrary to your wholesome, loving epitome. And that'due south why I'grand trying to let all of y'all know now — that I'one thousand a real piece of shit, OK. I desire you lot to actually listen to me and understand this and believe me, so that yous're not shocked or surprised, then that you don't abandon me when you see the TMZ video of my face getting firehosed by Michael B. Jordan while I chant 'Wakanda Forever!'"

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Source: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/best-quotes-from-ali-wongs-don-wong-netflix-stand-up-special

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